Shanghai Mama

Last week Theo and I attended our last class of the baby massage course taught by Melanie. The course was held at Melanie’s house in Pudong and was a very rewarding experience. Melanie is a very kind and patient teacher who clearly enjoys what she does and loves being around babies. The class atmosphere was very laid back and we were encouraged to do whatever we needed to keep our babies happy.

The massage she teaches follows the theory that the baby has to be a willing participant, if the baby is crying, sleeping or in any way uncomfortable the mother has to respect that and stop.
I spent some of the time feeding, changing or holding Theo but I could still participate by observing other mothers and babies and didn’t feel like I missed out.

I was very surprised at how much Theo “allowed” me to do, he was very happy most of the time and seemed to enjoy the massage a lot, lots of smiling and excited wiggling of arms and leg!

Back home I tried to practice every day even just for a few minutes and found that the massage was a special time we could spend together just enjoying each other’s company, rather than working to meet his basic needs such as feeding, changing and cuddling. Theo is still too young to play so giving him a massage is a chance for me to show love and have some fun and also a great opportunity for him to not be trapped in his nappy for a while.

I started the course the day after my mother left to go back home and my husband left to go on a business trip, I had been dreading this time as I thought I would feel very sad and tired. I was surprised at how well Theo and I got on and bonded during those few days alone and I really believe the massage helped a lot to help us feel closer that ever.

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tel: 6447 7189
fax: 6407 5948
email: theholidayhouse@hotmail.com
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“I gave birth to our first daughter Lotte Josephine on October 13th 2006. At that time we lived in Puxi, Beijing Xi Lu, which was closed to the World Link Health Center. So during pregnancy, I decided to go to the Ob there, which was fine. I liked Dr. Kong (an English speaking Chinese female Doctor) very much, she did a fine job! At every time, I felt in good hands. But when the due date came closer, I spoke to a lot of mums, and everybody told me she was in United Family Hospital (UFH), which was said to be great. So my husband and me decided to go to this place as well.
We joined two prenatal classes: one in the UFH, held by MK, the leading midwife – the class was fantastic! It took place over 6 weeks once a week for 2 hours each class. The other class was in the World Link Center, which was not that good. If we haven´t had our knowledge from MK´s class, we never would have understood what was told us in a few hours on a Saturday.
To be honest: it was also the personality of MK – beside the facilities in the hospital and the structure of the hospital organisation – that we made up our minds and decided to give birth in the UFH. Although it was much more fare away from our home…
For the last 4 weeks of pregnancy, I went to Dr. Ninni Ji in the UFH, who also did a great job. I trusted in her as well as in Dr. Kong. By the way: I think that you should have in any case a good relationship to and feel in good hands of your doctor.
I was 2 days over the due date, when I was at my acupuncturist for a treatment to prepare birth (what I can really recommend: it can make birth so quick!! See below.). There, I had my first contractions, so we stopped the session and I went home. Contractions stopped.
Everybody has told me: “Oh, it´s your first baby! So you will have time, and birth will take hours and hours!” That was definitely not true! After the contractions started regularly (and after just some minutes, they came every second minute!), it took only 3 ¾ hours, and our daughter Lotte was born!!! My first contractions appeared at 4 pm, I laid down on the sofa and phoned MK and my husband regularly to check what´s going on and to get some instructions. At 5 pm, I told my husband to come home immediately because the contractions were already very strong. At 5.30, my water bag broke, and MK told me to come to the hospital. At that point, I had such strong contractions, that I even couldn´t stand upright or walk alone. A friend of mine came to help me to pick up the last stuff. My husband arrived at 6.30 at home. On our way to the UFH, we found ourselves in a traffic jam (it was a Friday evening…) – no way to go! Horrible!! In the car, I was only crying and shouting. We arrived at the UFH at 7.10, MK was already waiting for us in front of the hospital with a wheel chair, and she took me immediately to the birthing room. Arrived, birth came to its final, and at 7.45 Lotte was there!! There was no time for a local anaesthesia like a PDA, no time to protect the perineum. Lotte was in a hurry. Lucky we: she was fine and healthy, and although I did not really realize (my husband also not, poor guy) what happens because it came all so fast, in the end everything was fine!
We could not even profit from the facilities in the birthing room of the UFH.
The stuff in the UFH which cared for us during our stay, was friendly. But we had some problems concerning organisation. Everybody tells you different things. If you have a question e.g. concerning breast feeding, one nurse tells you that you don´t have enough milk and she MUST give the baby formula. Another nurse tells you that you are in the phase of engorgement and you will have enough milk in a few days. So it is helpful or even necessary that you make up your mind about questions like these before and fight for your line! Don´t let irritate yourself by situations like this.
After having given birth, I talked to some mums who gave birth in the World Link Center, and their stories are quite similar. So in the end I think it doesn´t matter which of those both clinics you choose. If you want to give birth in a “western style” clinic, both are rather similar. But of course you have other options in Shanghai!
UFH is very expensive: the birthing package – which you must pay in advance! – costs more then 6.000 USD!

Finally, I would like to say to you all, mums-to-be: trust your own feelings and emotions. Choose the doctor and the clinic after your own impression. If YOU think it is time to go to the hospital – do so! There is no rule how long (or short) a birth can take. Try to inform yourself before giving birth concerning some important issues like breast feeding, rooming-in etc. Stay at your line even if everybody wants to persuade you from something different.

And don´t forget to trust in your energy and your ability to do what nature has given to all of us women!

Whish you all the best, Beatrix with Lotte”

Thank you so much Beatrix for sharing your wonderful birth story!

Hello!

I finally got round to posting my birth story. I think it’s really great to share that experience with other women especially since things here in Shanghai work differently from back home and I think it’s useful for women to know what to expect from the local hospitals. I’m happy to post any birth stories any of you would like to share so please get in touch!
Thank you all!

To find birth stories just click on the category to the side.
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I had possibly the best pregnancy I could have ever hoped for. I never felt sick and didn’t have any of the usual side effect apart from a bit of nausea here and there at the beginning and a bit of heart burn around the 5th month. My belly was really big and I really loved showing it off with tight fitting clothes and massaging it with oil every day.

I’m a yoga teacher and I kept my practice up throughout the whole 9 months, just toning it down to work around the bump and making sure I wasn’t getting too tired. I was even doing backbends and inversions until the 8th month. I walked as much as I could to make sure the I got enough cardio and sat squatting or tailor sitting as much as I could to open up my hips in preparation for birth.

I was really looking forward to the birth since I first got pregnant and had discussed with my doctor having as natural delivery as possible with no drugs or intervention. Unfortunately things didn’t quite work out…

My hospital of choice was International Peace Maternity in Xujiahui. I say choice but I didn’t really have much choice as I’m not covered by health insurance and that was the only cheapish good option. I was pretty happy with the care there, I speak Chinese and my doctor was very nice and competent.

I started having stronger contractions on the Sunday afternoon and started getting really excited as I was already one week overdue. I was so excited that I didn’t even take my afternoon naps but went instead for two walks around our neighbourhood with my husband Phil. That night at around 12 I woke up with strong contractions and woke up Phil to let him know that the games had started. We set up the sitting room with a sheet and shower curtain on the floor in case things got messy and then I just starting sitting around coping with contractions. Things were fine apart from this really sharp pain in my lower back, I think caused by the baby’s head pressing down and the pelvis slowly opening.

The next 30 hours were spent between sitting on my yoga ball, on my knees, eating ice lollies : ) and getting endless massage from Phil or spending time attached to the Tens machine which I borrowed from Mhairi, (the midwife with whom we did our preparation for birth course and who helped us loads after the birth).

I had a couple of teary breakdowns as I was getting incredibly tired. The pain in my lower back wouldn’t allow me to lie back or on my side during contractions and that meant I didn’t get any sleep apart from the few times I dozed off sitting on the ball or in other strange positions.

I was determined to have a natural drug free birth and both Phil and I were hoping that the baby would come easily while we were still at home as neither of us really liked the idea of giving birth in a hospital. However, when the 30th hour struck I was crying and exhausted. I woke Phil up while he was having a well-deserved nap, we grabbed our things and headed over to the hospital.

We got there about 12 30 and were greeted by a very nice midwife. When she first checked my cervix I was 4-5 cm dilated (only ; ((( )!!! Then another midwife, Liyuan, came in and stayed with me until about 8 in the morning. She is so so sweet and she is the only positive thing I remember from my hospital experience. She massaged my back and was extremely supportive and encouraging. The doctor on duty that night had no social skills and didn’t even really talk to me. Thankfully she just checked that we were okay and left us to it.

I was finding it quite hard to cope so I started thinking about pain killers. I asked for gas, but by the time it arrived I’d decided against it and thought I would struggle through. By six in the morning my still waters hadn’t broken so the doctor decided to help them along, saying that she was going to check my cervix and that she might break my waters in the process… of course she went straight for it and the waters broke, bringing no relief at all…

At seven thirty my doctor came in and after talking with the night shift doctor decided that my progress was pretty slow, she checked again !!! and said that I was at 8 cm. By the time I was fully dilated the head was apparently too high up, who knows.. and really they said it would be hard to get this baby out even with forceps. The sound of that was really off putting and from then on I was told I had 2 hours to get the baby out and if he wasn’t born in that time we would have to perform a c section… Labour has its own time that’s what one of my pregnancy books said, clearly they hadn’t read it and I wasn’t performing well enough. ON top of being tired and in pain I was also in a rush and couldn’t keep my eyes of f the clock. At this point an epidural sounded like a good idea but no too late for that apparently, all I was left with was gas which made me really high and got a few laughs out of Phil. Our lovely midwife had left leaving a much less compassionate colleague.

By the time the doctor came back she said that we had 5 mins to agree to a c section and if we didn’t we only had another half hour left. We didn’t know what to do and decided to go with the op as we were both too exhausted to try any longer.

The c section was not pleasant, I really don’t understand how anyone could choose to have such a horrible op out of will. I felt like a piece of meat and when Theo was born it almost seemed like he didn’t come from my body. Both Phil and I cried as we looked in amazement at this chubby baby, 4.9 kg, wow they were all amazed! Of course we knew he wasn’t going to be small… the doctor wouldn’t shut up about it throughout the whole operation saying that it would have simply been impossible for him to come naturally, he was huge, simply too big. Who knows…

After Theo gave a few little cries the nurses decided he wasn’t breathing well and was taken for a check up while I was being sewed back together.

The quick check up turned into 4 hours, apparently a hospital routine…. Then it turned into 24 hours. Neither of us had held our baby boy and we were extremely angry with the hospital. They told us he was in no life threatening danger and, according to the big poster listing the WHO standards the hospital is proud of apparently updholding, mother and child should for no reason be separated within the first 24 hours from birth unless the baby’s life is in immediate risk.

So my first 24 hours as a mother were spent in bed, without being able to move, without my baby and feeling very upset that the birth I’d looked forward to for so long had become my nightmare, all my biggest fears had come true.

The next day meeting Theo was the most exciting meeting ever, so cute and chubby and lovely, what a blessing! It has taken me a while to let go of the anger I felt about somehow failing to deliver my baby naturally but Theo is here with me. Looking after him is hard work but also the greatest joy. Today he smiled at me and that beats everything, thank you Theo!

For me labour was most certainly a big lesson in surrender, acceptance and finally devotion to this shining new soul… life with never be the same and that’s a very very good thing ; )
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